Isabel Jordan
Sanity Falls Series Bundle
Sanity Falls Series Bundle
Steamy Monster RomanceĀ
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āāāāā Over 1,500 five-star reviews
- Read first chapter of first book in series, for free [scroll down]!
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- eBooks included in this bundle:Ā Ā Monster Match, Monster Mate, Monster Mistake
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In this small town, monsters are everywhere. AndĀ theyāre looking for loveā¦Ā
Welcome to the Monster Match, where eligible monsters speed date human women in the hopes of mating for lifeāor longer. All monsters welcome. Open minds required. An appreciation for snarky humor is aāÆmust. If you qualify, download this 3-book bundle, save 20%, and welcome to Sanity Falls!Ā
Main Tropes
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Small town monster romance
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Low angst
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No 3rd act breakups
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Snarky banter
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Strong heroines
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Spicy times
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Orc, demon, & Frankensteinās monster heroes
Questions or Comments?
- Email me at ijordan@izzyjo.com






Collapsible content
Click to Read the First Chapter of Monster Mate!
Monster Mate, Sanity Falls, Book 1, Chapter 1
The Chupacabra and the Chimera thought she was un-marriable.Ā Ā
Lucy West let that fact sink in for a moment.Ā Ā
The real irony here was that she didnāt even want to get married. She was only here because sheād had a weak moment personally, and sheād always wanted to see the old Spellman mansion close-up. A Monster Match speed dating event seemed like a great idea at the time. And there was free food and drinks. It was a win-win.Ā Ā Ā
So, the fact that a blood drinker and a lion/goat/snake person didnāt want to marry her shouldnāt bother her. It kinda did, though.Ā Ā
Maybe it was because sheād just dumped Jonathan and her emotions were still a little raw. While she was calling him a cheating bastard and grabbing everything she could carry to walk out on him, he was telling her she wouldnāt ever find another man who was willing to tolerate her.Ā Ā
Jonathan hadnāt ever been right about much. But the idea that he mightāve been right about that, of all things, really chapped her ass.Ā Ā
It hurt her pride, too, damn it. Breaking up with her live-in boyfriend (when his name was the only one on the lease) in the same week she was laid off from her job didnāt help her foster a sunny can-do attitude about, well, anything. She was homeless, jobless, thirty bucks away from sleeping in her car, and now she couldnāt even convince monsters who were desperately seeking human brides that she was a viable option.Ā Ā Ā
If that wasnāt the cherry on this shit sundae of a week, she didnāt know what was.Ā Ā Ā
Finding the flyer for the Monster Match had felt serendipitous at the time. The wind-swept thing had smacked her in the face when she was walking out on Jonathan.Ā Ā Ā
Since the male monster population in the United States outnumbered the female monster population ten to one, many marriage-minded monsters set out specifically looking for human brides. Thatās why matchmaker Truvy Trudeauās monster speed dating events here in Sanity Falls were always such a huge success.Ā Ā Ā Ā
It hadnāt escaped Lucyās attention that a rich, monster sugar daddy would solve manyāif not allāof her current problems. Sure, her inner feminist prickled a little at the notion. Not enough that she didnāt attend the event, obviously, because here she was in her one fancy dress (a classy, knee-length, black, vintage Chanel sheād picked up at a consignment shop for her uncle Mortyās funeral five years ago), entirely unsensible (and uncomfortable) stilettos, and her last pair of clean underwear.Ā Ā
Still, the idea that a rich man could solve all her problems bothered her enough that her conversations with the prospective monster husbands were awkward at best, deeply embarrassing at worst.Ā
Hopefully, the Orc sheād had her last speed date with would forget the story she told him about the time sheād gone to middle school wearing the same jeans two days in a row, and the previous dayās underwear fell out of her pant leg on the bus in front of Jimmy Jorgenson, the love of her young life.Ā Ā Ā Ā
She sighed. Her relationship with Jimmy hadnāt survived. Of course, it hadnāt been any great loss since the relationship had existed only in her head.Ā Ā
That wasnāt the point, though. The point was that when she was nervous, she was prone to bouts of verbal diarrhea nothing short of death could stop.Ā Ā
Her nerves had nothing to do with being anti-monster, either. She totally wasnāt. She was pretty open-minded. Tails and tentacles and horns didnāt bother her. But marriageā¦that was way scarier than any monster sheād ever seen. Except for maybe that vampire with the combover in the orange leisure suit sheād passed on the way to the bathroom. She shuddered.Ā Ā Ā
So, thatās why she was currently hiding in a dark alcove, listening to all the humans and monsters mingling, laughing, drinking, and enjoying themselves. It wouldāve been fun if she hadnāt overheard them talking about her.Ā
Lucy frowned. Maybe sheād just rescue a bunch of dogs, cats, and feral goats and give up on datingāhumans and monstersāforever. Her Aunt Fanny had done just that, and she always seemed happy. The rest of the family felt sorry for her, but honestly, she was Lucyās hero.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Well, at least the Spellman mansion isnāt a letdown, she thought. It was every bit as majestic as it looked from the outside.Ā Ā
The mansion was a Victorian gothic revival home on steroids. It was huge, dramatic, and unspeakably elegant. She was almost afraid to touch anything for fear of messing the place up with her grubby, unworthy paws.Ā
Lucy had only seen three rooms so farāone being the most beautiful, ornately-decorated powder room in existence, the other being a parlor designed for receiving guests, and the third a ballroom where the speed dating event was held. But from her perspective, it was a decadent collection of satin drama drapes, dark, rich wood panels and floors, antique tapestries, wrought-iron chandeliers, thick crown molding, vaulted ceilings, and jewel-toned, patterned wallpaper.Ā Ā
In other words, it was Lucyās dream home. Teenaged Goth Lucy wouldāve killed to live here. And if someone didnāt stop her, she couldnāt promise she wouldnāt soon be sliding down the giant curved railing on the grand staircase that spiraled from the corner of the ballroom up to the mansionās second and third floors. How could anyone who lived with that staircase not slide down it every morning?Ā Ā
āAre you hiding from someoneāor some thing āin particular?āĀ
Lucy startled at the deep voice behind her in the alcove sheād thought empty.Ā Ā
The owner of said voice was leaning negligently against the wall, most of him cast in shadows. All she could see were a pair of long, trouser-clad legs, one crossed over the other at the ankles. Human-looking legs, she thought. Which meant he was probably one of the waiters or bartenders.Ā Ā
She raised a brow at him. Well, in his direction, at least. āI could ask you the same.āĀ
He chuckled. It was an intensely pleasing sound that vibrated along her nerve endings, making her wonder if sheād had too much champagne and too few shrimp puffs. āI would say Iām hiding fromā¦a bit of both,ā he admitted.Ā Ā
He had a really great voice. Cool accent, too. Croatian, if she hadnāt missed her guess. And she was fairly sure she hadnāt because sheād always loved the Croatian actor who took over when George Clooney left ER, and this guy sounded exactly like that actor.Ā Ā Ā
Note to self: find out where I can stream ER again. Time for a rewatch, methinks.Ā Ā
She wondered idly if she could convince this guy to narrate audiobooks for her. Hearing some of her favorite romance novels read in that voice would be orgasmic.Ā Ā
But then she remembered it was her turn to talk, and hey, if he could be honest, she supposed she could do the same. āIām eavesdropping,ā she admitted.Ā Ā
āReally?ā he asked, sounding interested instead of disappointed by her bad manners, which made her like him even more. āHeard anything interesting?āĀ
Her shoulders slumped a little. āWell, apparently I have a great rack and a decent face, but my personality is shit.āĀ
A sound emanated from his chest that could only be described as a growl.Ā It shouldāve scared her.Ā
It didnāt.Ā Ā
āWho said that about you?āĀ
He sounded outraged on her behalf and it was nice. She couldnāt remember a time when someone championed her.Ā āItās OK. Iām a lot to take. I get that.āĀ
He grumbled again. Clearly it wasnāt OK with him. And that was most likely why she felt comfortable telling this manāthis strangerāher secret.Ā Ā
āIām glad they donāt like me,ā she said quietly.Ā
She felt lighter the moment the words were out of her mouth. Unburdened.Ā Ā
There was a long pause on his end that made her heart beat a bit faster, but she heard no judgment in his voice when he eventually asked, āWhy would you be glad that someone doesnāt like you?āĀ
āI donāt really want to marry any of them. I just got out of a relationship with a guy who I barely even tolerated most days. I think I was only with him because it was easier than being alone, you know?āĀ
āI do know,ā he murmured.Ā Ā
Here came the dark part that didnāt paint her in a very flattering light. āI saw the flyer for this event and thought, for just a split second, that marrying a monster would be an easy solution to all my problems. But it turns out I canāt do it. I canāt use someone like that. For that split second, thoughā¦I thought I could. I just wanted things to beāI donāt knowāeasier.ā She blinked back the stupid tears that were bubbling up behind her eyelids. āLook, Iām strong and smart and resourceful, so Iāll figure all this out. But it was nice to imagine, if only for a little while, that someone else could just swoop in like a knight on a white horse and rescue me from my problems.āĀ
And she felt like such a weak-ass feminist for even thinking all that crap, let alone saying it to a stranger. For shitās sake, what was wrong with her tonight? Why was she spilling her guts to a stranger in a dark alcove?Ā Ā
He remained quiet for so long she thought maybe sheād scared him off for good before he said, āI admire that.āĀ
She snorted. āWhat? My lack of options and grayish morals?āĀ
āYour unwillingness to use someone to get what you want and need.āĀ Ā Ā Ā
Lucy frowned thoughtfully. āThatās, like, the lowest bar for humanity ever.āĀ
There was that dead-sexy chuckle again. āIndeed. And yet I spoke with so many people tonightāhuman and monsterāwho have no problem using someone to get what they want.āĀ
She thought about all the women sheād talked to tonight who seemed willing to do or say anything to get the rich husbands they wanted. And all the monsters who were willing to be used in that way for their own reasons. It was kind of awful now that she really thought about it.Ā Ā
āWhat would you do if you had a nice place to live and plenty of money?ā he asked.Ā Ā
āYou mean like if I hit the lottery?āĀ
āSure.āĀ
Oh, she liked this game. Lucy used to dream of what sheād do if money wasnāt an issue. āItāll sound weird.āĀ Ā
āTry me,ā he said dryly.Ā Ā
Well, at this point, she imagined sheād already let him see the worst in her. Why hold back now? āI know most people say theyād like to travel the world. And maybe I would one day. But if I had money, Iād stay home. Iād make my home as comfortable as possible without being too extravagant. Iām not saying Iād hoard my wealth, because Iād definitely set up some big charity donations. But all Iād really want is to get a dog and build a big-ass libraryāyou know, the kind where the shelves go floor-to-ceiling and you have rolling ladders to reach everything? Hell, I might even write my own book one day. Iād justā¦live a quiet life, not answering to anyone. Iād be an eccentric weirdo hermit, I guess.āĀ
She thought her last statement would at least get her a chuckle, but it didnāt. āYouād do all that alone?ā he asked.Ā
Lucy bit her lip. āIdeally, Iād have someone who just wanted to be alone with me. If that makes sense. Two people who just love to be alone together sounds like the perfect relationship to me.āĀ
āIt does indeed.āĀ Ā
Thatās when he stepped out of the shadows, andā¦whoa, she was not in any way ready for the sight that greeted her.Ā Ā
First of all, he was huge. She was five-seven (five ten in her impractical party heels), and he towered over her like she was a toddler. If she had to guess, sheād say he was nearly seven feet tall.Ā Ā
His body was lean, but the way his clothes pulled taut through the shoulders led her to believe he was muscular under that expensive-looking suit of his. It took a minute for her gaze to make it all the way from his polished dress shoes up to his face, but when she did, she had to swallow a sharp gasp.Ā Ā
Sheād assumed her new friend was a waiter or a bartender here at the manor.Ā Ā
Oh, how wrong sheād been.Ā Ā
Sheād been talking to the owner of the manor all alongāa man as infamous in town as he was reclusive. There wasnāt a resident in Sanity Falls who didnāt gossip about the monster of Spellman Manor.Ā Ā
The man whoād allegedly been created from dead bodies a mad scientist had stitched together and reanimated...roughly three hundred years ago.Ā Ā
He looked good for a three-hundred-year-old dead guy.Ā Ā
His creator had obviously taken great care to findā¦specimens with features that were aesthetically pleasing and symmetrical. But there were obviously at least three, um, donors, whoād contributed to his form.Ā Ā
The thick, jagged scar that surrounded his neck (and the two small metal bolts a few inches below his ears) told her his head and body hadnāt always been attached. Probably not to each other, at least. And the straight scar that ran down the middle of his face separated two very different halves. The left side of his face looked like it had been carved from stone. It was flawlessly beautiful, like a runway model. The other side was what Lucy would call ruggedly handsome. More like young Harrison Ford and less like some pretty boy youād see in a perfume commercial. They were two very different faces, but when put together with what had obviously been such careā¦well, it worked.Ā Ā Ā Ā
The fact that the left eye was a rich, chocolate brown and the right was pale blue made his gaze oddly piercing, but Lucy decided that worked, too. As did his shampoo-commercial-shiny, just-a-little-too-long, just-a-little-messy black hairĀ Ā
With the gossip mongering going on about the monster of Spellman Manor, why had no one mentioned how hot he was? That wouldāve been first on Lucyās list if sheād been so inclined to spread gossip about the man.Ā Ā
He bowed at the waist slightly and offered her a dinner-plate-sized hand. āIām Viktor Adamovic.āĀ
Duh, she thought. With that face, there really wasnāt a shadow of a doubt who he was. But then her manners caught up to her brain and she took his hand. āIām Lucy West.āĀ
He lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. She felt the warmth of his lips all over her body.Ā Ā
All. Over. Her. Body.Ā Ā
āItās a pleasure to meet you, Lucy,ā he rumbled quietly.Ā Ā
Sweet baby Jesus did her name sound good coming from his lips. āY-you, too.āĀ
She thought heād let her go, but his grip on her hand tightened just a fraction before he said, āI have something Iād like to show you.āĀ
Now, Lucy had watched more than her fair share of serial killer documentaries and true crime specials. If anyone else in the world had said that to her, she wouldāve laughed in their face. No way was she going to allow herself to be separated from the herd like a limping baby gazelle at the watering hole by the big, scary lion.Ā Ā
So, color her surprised when she opened her mouth and āOKā tripped easily off her lips.Ā Ā
Wellā¦fuck.Ā
WHAT READERS ARE SAYING:Ā
āāāāā "If you're a fan of cinnamon roll heroes who LOOK like alpha male heroes, snarky heroines who aren't afraid to go after what (and who) they want, and reads with plenty of heat and hilarity, then you'll want to give this book a try. ASAP. :)"āÆ--Romance RehabĀ
āāāāā"Who's ready for a sweet, protective, cinnamon roll monster hero? Lucy was the kind of heroine I've come to expect from Ms. Jordan's books- real, fun, and just a little bit snarky. I loved the concept of a speed dating event to hook you up with your "Monster Match" and I wasn't disappointed. Sweet and spicy, give this one a read!"āÆ--Author L.E. WilsonĀ
āāāāāāI loved this book so much! It got me out of a reading funk and totally reminded me why I love finding new indie authors.ā āReviewerĀ
āāāāāāLaugh out loud funny and awfully damn cute. Relax, drink your fav beverage, and grin a lot.ā āReviewerĀ
āāāāāāSexy, smart, and funny as hell.ā--ReviewerĀ
āāāāāāIf you like fantasy, happily ever afterās, with swings between funny, sweet, and tense, youāll enjoy THIS.ā --ReviewerĀ Ā
āāāāāāClever, cute and really fun.ā --ReviewerĀ
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